Let’s talk about sex…
We’re not squeamish here, and we know you need support. Plus, there aren’t that many people talking about sex and relationships postnatally or menopausally, so we’re here to help! If you’d like a snapshot of another woman’s journey, please have a look at Clio’s blog post describing her experience of postnatal sex here.
Clio’s book, Get Your Mojo Back, Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth, is also out now!
Top Tips
Speak to your GP and see whether there is anything you can rule out (infection, or an unhealed vaginal cut or graze);
Ask to be referred to a women’s health physio or go and see one privately. They can examine your pelvic floor internally and assess your its strenght/weakness and how it’s impacting your core strength. If you’re searching for a private consultation, an initial appointment should be £50-100. We know lots of good physios and there’s a good starter list here.
Physios can also check if you’re doing your pelvic floor lifts correctly (yes, you can do them wrongly!) guide you on how often to do them and the best technique, as well as letting you know if you’re releasing properly afterwards.
Know that you can have a hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floor as well as too loose.
Urinary and faecal incontinence are common (so don’t be embarrassed) but not normal (you should be able to vastly improve your situation with the right advice and exercise, or if necessary, surgery.
Scarring (eg vaginal or c-section) should always be massaged in the healing process, which can really help reduce sensitivity and the impact of that scar tissue on surrounding muscles eg the pelvic floor or elsewhere in the body.
Use a lubricant! Your vagina can produce less natural lubrication postnatally and menopausally, particularly with breastfeeding and menopausal hormone fluctuations. Organic lubricants are a bedroom game-changer - we like Yes Organics.
Work on enjoying intimacy without sex, this can help build attraction to your partner, confidence in your new body, and reduce embarrassment in the sensitive postnatal and perimenopausal period.
Foreplay is more important than ever, both in the stressful postnatal & menopausal period when you’re so busy with other areas of life that arousal is low on the agenda. So try to make time to be nice to each other in between intimate engagements and recognise that an hour’s foreplay is more effective than a quick 10 minute fumble.
Take your time. Your mind may be so far removed from sex in your new reality that your brain takes a while to engage. Work towards pleasurable sex again rather than rushing before you’re ready.
Talk to your other half, so that they know exactly what you’re going through!
Resources
Get Your Mojo Back, Clio’s complete guide to better sex and fulfilling intimacy after birth and in motherhood.
Yes Organics plus a cheeky discount here.
Women’s health physios start list here.
Esther Perel’s talk on desire in long-term relationships.
Search for Sex Therapy in your area if you are having long term issues.